You May Now Have a Quizno’s Torpedo

I have been traveling out on the East Coast over the last few weeks and my Turkey Sandwich options have been limited.  I don’t do Subway, so Quizno’s has turned out to be the next best thing.

You’ve probably been seeing their TV commercials for their $4 Torpedo and wondering when I am going to weigh in on this concept.  Well, I am here to clear the air and let you know if you can eat a Torpedo.

The answer is: yes.

Quizno’s Torpedo is actually pretty good.  I like the bread better than their regular sandwiches and at $4 they’re a pretty good deal.  My only advice is to tell them to run it thru the toaster twice.  My sources tell me that Quizno’s has shortened their toasting time considerably over the last few years so that they can pump the sandwiches out faster.  Tell them to toast it twice and to keep their mouth shut.

Cheeba Hut Can’t Hold The Pickle Barrel’s Jock

The Pickle Barrel!!, originally uploaded by nealdstewart.

I’m going to make a bold statement: The Pickle Barrel has the best Turkey Sandwich in Fort Collins, CO.

“What happened to Cheba Hut? you might ask. That’s a great question.

Here’s the deal with Cheeba Hut:
1. Their sandwiches are ok. Nothing great, but ok.
2. I feel used. Right about a year ago, the head honchos over at Cheeba Hut invited me up to Fort Collins. They wined me, dined me and pumped me for uber-valuable Turkey Sandwich information. I gave them everything thing I had. Well, guess what? I haven’t heard from them since that fateful Turkey Sandwich Summit and I’m pretty sure they’re scheming up some Turkey Sandwiches with all of the ideas I gave them.

So I feel used.  Robbed of my Turkey Sandwich innocence.

The funny part is that one of the sandwiches I dreamed up for them included BBQ Sauce. Well lo and behold, right down the street, not more than a stones throw away from Cheeba Hut is The Pickle Barrel. And guess what The Pickle Barrel has? A Turkey Sandwich with BBQ Sauce. Take a look at it here.

It’s called the Wiley Coyote and it fucking blows the doors off anything Cheeba Hut makes. Cheeba Hut’s Midwest’s Best can’t hold Wiley Coyote’s jock. Serious.

The crazy thing is that there is also a Which Wich on the same block! But, I can guaran-fucking-tee you this: everytime I’m in Fort Collins, I’m going to the Pickle Barrel. At least they’ll respect me in the morning.

Cheeba Hut Rolls One for The Turkey Sandwich Report

I’m sorry that I couldn’t share all of the details with you in advance, but I took a meeting with Cheeba Hut today.  It was all really hush-hush, but they invited me up to Fort Collins to talk Turkey Sandwiches.

To be blunt, they were uber-impressed with my Turkey Sandwich knowledge and prowess.  So much in fact, that they wanted to get together and see if we could spark up some ideas.  And spark we did.  I gave them three solid ideas for sandwiches that they should add to the menu and from what I gather, they’re going to try them out at the Fort Collins location.  If all goes well, they could be rolled out nationally.

As for the meeting today, they were nice enough to treat me to a sandwich of my choice.  Being a Midwest kid, I went the Midwest’s Best.  It’s technically a Club Sandwich – ham, bacon and the like.  And I added some peppers and a little Ranch Dressing.

Midwest's Best at Cheeba Hut

The Cheeba Hut guys also gave me a hit of White Widow.  I definitely specialize in Turkey Sandwiches, but this was a tasty chicken sandwich.  Good stuff.

All in all, the guys at Cheeba hut are good shit.  They’re really into firing up good sandwiches and good service.  PLUS they actually DO adequately TOAST their subs, unlike Quizno’s who keeps shortening their toast time so they can make the sandwiches faster.

There was one weird thing that happened at the end of the meeting: they asked if I wanted to “mow the grass”? First of all, they didn’t even have a lawn.  Second of all, their sandwiches are good and all and they’re nice guys, but I’m not not mowing their fucking lawn, no matter how many Turkey Sandwiches they give me.  Fuck that.

Bagels are Approved for Turkey Sandwiches

Back when I lived in St. Louis, I ate a lot of Turkey Sandwiches on bagels from Einstein’s Bagels.  I enjoyed it so much that I started buying bagels and veggie cream cheese for my home made TS’s.  It was a phase I went through.

Since that time of my life, I haven’t really thought about Bagel Turkey Sandwiches too much.  Well, shame on me for not giving Bagel Turkey Sandwiches more love here on the Turkey Sandwich Report. All of that changes today.

On my way in to work today, I stopped by Einstein’s for a breakfast bagel and went ahead and got a “Tasty Turkey” for my lunch.  Jalapeno Bagel, veggie cream cheese, lettuce, onion, no tomatoes or sprouts.  It’s a solid TS.  My only problem with it is that the bagel and cream cheese combo make for a slippery surface and the Turkey tends to slip out of the sandwich.

The thing I like most about bagels is that there are a lot of varieties.  Here are my top 5 bagels for a Turkey Sandwich:

  1. Everything Bagel
  2. Jalapeno
  3. Potato
  4. Asiago Cheese
  5. Wheat

We Crown a Turkey Sandwich National Champion

As I get ready to announce this year’s Turkey Sandwich National Champion, the clock is close to 12 o’clock Noon.  That means lunch time.  And for me, that means hunger.

Our Turkey Sandwich National Championship pits Mendelson’s Delicatessen of Denver, CO vs. The Gristmill of New Braunfels, TX.  This is going to be one hell of a match-up.  The quaint restuarant on the banks of the Guadalupe River vs. the Downtown Denver Lunch-Stop with Triple Deckers.

Let’s get to it:

Mendelson’s gets uber respect because they are a Boar’s Head Deli.  But yet in the National Semifinal, that alone wasn’t enough for Lori’s (also a Boar’s Head Deli) to take down The Gristmill.  The Gristmill thrives on simplicity: top quality Turkey on wheat bun with a special sauce that will knock your socks off.  No fancy shit going here.  Just a straight forward Turkey Sandwich.

After hours of deliberation and arguments (furniture was thrown), our panel of judged have emerged with a champion: Mendelson’s.  As the Head Honcho of this panel of judges, it came down to selection.  Mendelson’s offers a variety of Turkey: Salsalito, Pastrami Seasoned, Smoked, Roasted, etc.  That was just too much for the Gristmill to contend with.

By no means does this take anything from a very “game” Turkey Sandwich from The Gristmill.  They are a champion in their own right, just not of this tournament.

When I Open a Sandwich Joint, it’s Gonna Be a Cheba Hut

I was faced with a really tough decision today. Pickle Barrel or Cheba Hut?

I was in Fort Collins, home of the Pickle Barrel (which Josh highly recommended) and Cheba Hut (which Rippe recommended). By no means am I saying that that Rippe is smarter, but I went with Cheba Hut. I was just really intrigued with their theme – which is apparently based on some kind of ancient peace pipe/smoking ritual.

Cheba Hut Sign

Cheba Hut offers three sandwich size options:

  • Nug
  • Pinner
  • Blunt

I went with an Afgani Blunt because that’s how I roll. The Afgani is Turkey, Jalapenos, and Pepper Jack cheese. It looks disgusting, but it was actually a pretty dope. I ate half during lunch and saved the other half for my afternoon snack. The weird thing about this Turkey Sandwich is that I think I liked second half better after it had sat in my car for a couple hours.

The Afgani (Turkey Sandwich)

And, BTW: get their house dressing. It’s a red wine vinaigrette and it’s DANK!

Arby’s is Underrated and Other BIG News

Let me just get to the point here: Arby’s makes a fucking good Turkey Sandwich.  I’ve been meaning to get one of their Toasted Subs and I finally got to it today.  And I’ll tell you what, their have a Turkey Bacon Club is a solid Turkey Sandwich.  I thoroughly enjoyed the fuck out of that thing.

Ok, on to the big news: A colleague of mine, Josh Mishell, is also a big Turkey Sandwich fan.  He recently stopped by The Spicy Pickle and noticed that they changed their bread.  He immediately lodged a complaint thru their website.  To their credit, they immediately responded and invited him to come in to have lunch with them and talk things over.

He took them up on their offer and asked if I could join in, being that I’m big fucking deal in the world of Turkey Sandwiches.  They accepted and I’m meeting with the big shots over at The Spicy Pickle.

Trust me – I will be asking the tough questions.  No softballs lobbed up for them to hit out of the park in this conversation.  I’m gonna make Mike Wallace look like Pee Wee Herman.  At the top of my list is going to be Turkey Quality.  I want to know who their vendor is and if they are confident about their cold cuts.

More information about this meeting is available at Bank Gothic Overload. 

Turkey Sandwiches at the Wynn

I’m high class. When I go to Vegas, I dine at the Wynn. Of course I stay at the Flamingo – but I dine at the Wynn.

I highly recommend the Terrace Pointe Cafe.  They make a nice Turkey Sandwich – good quality Turkey, nice bread, etc.  But, I recommend this place for the atmosphere.  It’s quiet and away from all of the Vegas scum and it has a great view of the pool and terrace.  But don’t take my word for it.  Check out these douchebags hanging out at this place. (BTW, I don’t know these nerds, I just found this photo on the Google Search)


Pretty nice, huh?