Subway Cheats Like Snarf’s

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I made a big fucking deal out of Snarf’s ripping people off a couple years ago.  I still don’t give those cheating motherfuckers any of my Turkey Sandwich business.

Now, you can add Subway to the list of cheaters.  They’re ripping people out of one inch on their sandwiches too.  Link to story here. 1 inch is a lot.  Would you want to walk away from 1 inch?  I certainly wouldn’t.

Sing it with me: 5 dollar 11 incher!

Pieces of shit.  Both of them.

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Get Ready for This: I’m Going to Say Something Positive About Subway.

This is probably old news since it has been going on for almost two years, but it’s new to me and this is my blog, so it’s going on The Turkey Sandwich Report

This particular Subway is built inside a shipping container and can rise up to different floors of the new building and help the workers avoid having to spend most of their lunch hour in transit.

Brilliant.

As much as I rip on Subway, I’m going to applaud this effort.  The  “Subway in the Sky” that supplies sandwiches to the workers building the new Freedom Tower in NYC is brilliant for two reasons:

  1. As a marketer, I love the innovation.  Subway found an opportunity to get their sandwiches in the hands of people by owning a completely new distribution channel.
  2. It’s supporting a good cause.  Sure, Subway is making money on the deal, but that’s ok.  They’re helping construction workers who are busting their ass trying to get this building built and hopefully get a little more out of their lunch hour.

Check out the video here.

Subway: Don’t Encourage Them

Subway: You’ve made yourself clear.  The fucking footlongs cost $5.  We got it.

Everyone else: If you go eat one of these piece of shit $5 footlongs, you’re just egging them on and you need to stop.

Look, I really don’t have a problem with Subway.  Yes, I think their food sucks, but it does serve a purpose.  And there are times when a Footlong can hit the spot…mostly when there aren’t any other choices.  But this $5 footlong/”Februany” bullshit gots to stop.

COMBO MEALS ARE FOR SUCKERS

THIS IS A SERIOUS SUBJECT.  SO SERIOUS THAT I CONSIDERED WRITING THIS POST IN ALL CAPS.  BUT I’M ONLY GOING TO DO THAT WHEN I REALLY WANT TO MAKE A POINT EXTREMELY CLEAR.

In these troubles economic times, a lot of people are looking for a good deal.  People are a little more frugal on everything, even Turkey Sandwiches.  The sandwich joints have taken notice.  Subway has the $5 Footlong and now Quizno’s has a pick two for $5 bucks.

Ahh, but be careful.  It’s easy for that $5 budget meal to turn into a $10 ripoff.  So how do you avoid that?  It’s pretty easy actually:

AVOID THE COMBO MEAL!

Everyone assumes that the combo meal is a good deal,  But it’s not.  It’s a complete ripoff.  If you get the $5 Footlong combo meal at Subway, you’re going to drop close to $9 bucks when it’s all said and done.  Same thing at Quizno’s.

Jimmy John’s has figured this out too.  Their subs cost $5.95, but if you add chips and a drink you’re dropping close to $10.

AVOID THE COMBO MEALS.  YOU DON’T NEED THE CHIPS.  DRINK WATER, SODA IS BAD FOR YOU.  AVOID THE COMBO MEAL… UNLESS YOU’RE A SUCKER

Subway Gives Me Gas

Truth be told: I have been in a major Turkey Sandwich slump lately.  It’s not that I haven’t been craving Turkey Sandwiches, it’s just that I haven’t been been in a situation to have one in recent days.  But, with that said – I did eat at least three of them this past weekend.

Today, I was bound and determined to have a Turkey Sandwich for lunch.  After some heavy deliberation about trying out a new place in town, I decided to go to an old stand-by, the bottom of the barrel: Subway.  At least that’s what people believe is the bottom of the barrel in Denver.  All of my co-workers looked at me as the scum of the Earth when I asked if they wanted anything from Subway.  Absolutely no takers, which was fine with me since this meant that I could ride my bike to get my sandwich.

And I didn’t go to just any Subway – I went to a GAS STATION SUBWAY.  In my book, the Subway hierarchy works like this:

  1. Stand alone Subway: still crap, but sometimes clean
  2. Mall Subway: disgruntled high school students, food courts
  3. Gas Station Subway: total crap, the only thing worse is…
  4. Truck Stop Subway: avoid at all risk.  Stick to the beef jerky.

My Sandwich: Turkey, Swiss, lettuce, onion, green peppers, banana peppers, spinach and ranch dressing on Honey Oat bread.

My Review: A direct quote from me after I ate the sandwich: “I’ve had worse. Not great, but I’ve had worse.”

The Result: I had incredible gas the entire day.  Mrs. Turkey Sandwich (who claims that she had a stint as a Sandwich Artist at a Mall Subway) paid me a nice compliment and told me that my gas smelled like the Turkey when they open the plastic bags and dump it in the bins.

Thank you, Subway.  It has always been my dream to emit the smell of Turkey from my ass.  And because of you, today, my dream came true.