Boulder is a Black Hole of Turkey Sandwiches

I scored some free tickets to the Mizzou @ Colorado basketball game today.  This was perfect timing because I’ve been meaning to head up to Boulder and check out their Turkey Sandwich scene for quite some time.  I’ve already documented Fort Collins’ great sandwich scene on this here blog, but I haven’t had a chance to hit Boulder up quite yet.

After the game, my Turkey Sandwich Radar pointed me to the famous Pearl Street Mall.  Rule of thumb: hippies, street performers and street kids always congregate near sandwich shops.

Except in a town called Boulder, CO.  I walked up and down the Pearl Street Mall and couldn’t find shit.  I walked in a few places that seemed like a good choice and they completely let me down:

  • West End Tavern – No Turkey Sandwich on the menu
  • Lindsay’s Boulder Deli – Based on the amount of Haagen-Dazs shit hanging on the window, it seemed like they take Ice Cream more serious than sandwiches.  Rejected.
  • Lolita’s Deli – Couldn’t find it.

So I gave up on finding a decent Turkey Sandwich and ended up at the Twisted Pine Brewery for a sampler flight.  Lo and behold they offer a Turkey Sandwich on the menu.

Twisted Pine Turkey Sandwich

Just a simple, processed-Turkey-between-two-slices-of-bread-sandwich.  But that’s ok.  Twisted Pine brews beer, they don’t claim to have the best sandwiches.

The lesson here: if you’re looking for a sandwich in Cololrado, stick to Denver or Fort Collins.

Look at this beautiful Turkey Sandwich

Turkey Sandwich in Eagle, CO, originally uploaded by nealdstewart.

A classic Turkey Sandwich meal. Toasted wheat bread. Some bacon. Provolone cheese and side of freshly cut fries. And to think this was sandwich was consumed in beautiful Eagle, CO.

Just one problem: I almost shit my pants before I got back home in Denver.

A recent business trip took me up to Gypsum, CO and we stopped in Eagle for lunch on the way back.  I was super hungry and the sandwich was great.  But right about the time we hit downtown Denver on the way back, I had a rumbling in my belly.  We were only about 5 minutes from my house, but I was faced with a serious decision: do I tell my co-worker that I need to pull over in to Brothers BBQ because I need to shit, or do I wait it out until I get home.  I decided to wait it out.  Luckily we got a green light at 6th and Colorado or I might have regretted that decision.

But it really was a damn good Turkey Sandwich.  I just can’t remember the name of that place.

Oy Vey, Zaidy’s Makes a Good Turkey Sandwich!

Zaidy's Smoked Turkey and Apple

My Jewish friends here in Denver have been telling me, “Neal, if you want to ess a good Turkey Sandwich, you need to eat at Zaidy’s. Everything else is chazerei.”  Then some of them say, “Neal, if you don’t like the Turkey Sandwich at Zaidy’s, you’re fercockt.”

I’ve lived in Denver for three years and I have not taken their advice and gone to Zaidy’s.  I was starting to feel like a real nebbish.

Today I finally got my tuches over to Zaidy’s to give their Turkey Sandwich a try.  I ordered the Smoked Turkey and Apple Sandwich and Ay-Yay-Yay this is a great Turkey Sandwich.  To be honest, I could have schtupped this sandwich.  Real Turkey, bacon, apples and a really thick honey mustard sauce – I was totally ferdrayt.

Next time you’re in Denver and looking for a place to drop some gelt on a Turkey Sandwich, go to Zaidy’s.

For a translation on some of these phrases, click here.

Cheeba Hut Can’t Hold The Pickle Barrel’s Jock

The Pickle Barrel!!, originally uploaded by nealdstewart.

I’m going to make a bold statement: The Pickle Barrel has the best Turkey Sandwich in Fort Collins, CO.

“What happened to Cheba Hut? you might ask. That’s a great question.

Here’s the deal with Cheeba Hut:
1. Their sandwiches are ok. Nothing great, but ok.
2. I feel used. Right about a year ago, the head honchos over at Cheeba Hut invited me up to Fort Collins. They wined me, dined me and pumped me for uber-valuable Turkey Sandwich information. I gave them everything thing I had. Well, guess what? I haven’t heard from them since that fateful Turkey Sandwich Summit and I’m pretty sure they’re scheming up some Turkey Sandwiches with all of the ideas I gave them.

So I feel used.  Robbed of my Turkey Sandwich innocence.

The funny part is that one of the sandwiches I dreamed up for them included BBQ Sauce. Well lo and behold, right down the street, not more than a stones throw away from Cheeba Hut is The Pickle Barrel. And guess what The Pickle Barrel has? A Turkey Sandwich with BBQ Sauce. Take a look at it here.

It’s called the Wiley Coyote and it fucking blows the doors off anything Cheeba Hut makes. Cheeba Hut’s Midwest’s Best can’t hold Wiley Coyote’s jock. Serious.

The crazy thing is that there is also a Which Wich on the same block! But, I can guaran-fucking-tee you this: everytime I’m in Fort Collins, I’m going to the Pickle Barrel. At least they’ll respect me in the morning.

In Your Open Face, Piper Inn

The Piper Inn is one of my new favorite places.  It’s close to my house and it feels like I’m back in Belleville, IL.

To be honest, the menu at the Piper Inn makes absolutely no sense.  The have your normal bar fare, but then also have a heave dose of Cantonese, Egg Foo Young, Moo Goo Gai Pan and Chow Mein.  But that stuff isn’t for me.  I stick with the more traditional stuff – like and Open Faced Turkey Sandwich.

The Open Faced Turkey Sandwich at the Piper Inn

The first thing you’ll probably notice here is the plate.  I’m not sure if that is an Asian or Mexican design, but I like it.  I thought it made my dining experience all the more enjoyable.  The second thing you’ll notice is gravy.  Gravy is WAY underrated in this crazy, topsy turvy place we call the USA. Why did mustard, ketchup and mayonnaise emerge as mainstream condiments and gravy get left behind?  I would like to see gravy on more food.

The last, and probably most important thing you’ll notice is the Turkey.  I think it came straight out of a Jennie-O plastic package, but it was still pretty good.  Especially paired with those crinkly cur french fries.

Thank you, Piper Inn.  Thank you for being you.

Bad News, Folks. A Boar’s Head Deli is Closed

Sad news for all of you loyal readers of the Turkey Sandwich Report.  Lori’s Boar’s Head Deli in Evergreen, CO is closed.  I found out the sad news when I took DA (aka Chris Pleimann’s Lisp) up there when he visited this past weekend.

The weird thing was that I had a bad feeling about the trip.  Chris Pleimann’s Lisp wanted me to give him a Turkey Sandwich tour of Denver and I was struggling to choose between Pat’s and Lori’s.  I ended up choosing Lori’s because it was closer to the place where we were going to ride go-karts.  Sure enough, we get up there and the son-of-a-bitch has turned in to some kind of Jamaican joint.  Apparently, Lori’s had been closed for over a year.

After some deliberation, we decided to give the Jamaican joint (Masalla Grill) a try.  The dude was blaring grilling in the parking lot and blaring some funky Jamaican beats, so he couldn’t be all bad.  I went with the Jamaican Jerk Pork Sandwich (as did Chris Pleimann’s Lisp) and holy FUCK, it was friggin’ delicious.

Jamaican Jerk Pork Sandwich

So, if you’re ever in the mood to get your pork jerked and you’re in Evergreen, CO – check out the Masalla Grill.

Video from this trip is on the way. online here.

And if you’re wondering – yes, I did beat Chris Pleimann’s Lisp’s ass on the go-kart track.

The Spicy Pickle Boycott Continues

Loyal Turkey Sandwich Report readers might remember that a couple months ago, my co-worker, Josh Mishell waged a formal complaint to the Spicy Pickle. We were excited when they promptly returned the email and invited Josh out to lunch. Of course, when I heard about this, I weaseled my way in.

The lunch was all set up, and then the Spicy Pickle dude vanished. Stopped returning emails and the Power Lunch fell through. Since that time, Josh and I have boycotted the Spicy Pickle and it continues today. Look, they make a nice enough Turkey Sandwich, but they are no Smiling Moose and certainly not in the class of Mendelson’s. Plus, I put them in the same category as Heidi’s, so it’s no skin off my balls to just phase SP out of my life altogether. No big whoop.