Loyal Turkey Sandwich Report readers might remember that a couple months ago, my co-worker, Josh Mishell waged a formal complaint to the Spicy Pickle. We were excited when they promptly returned the email and invited Josh out to lunch. Of course, when I heard about this, I weaseled my way in.
The lunch was all set up, and then the Spicy Pickle dude vanished. Stopped returning emails and the Power Lunch fell through. Since that time, Josh and I have boycotted the Spicy Pickle and it continues today. Look, they make a nice enough Turkey Sandwich, but they are no Smiling Moose and certainly not in the class of Mendelson’s. Plus, I put them in the same category as Heidi’s, so it’s no skin off my balls to just phase SP out of my life altogether. No big whoop.
When I am hungry, stay they fuck out of my way. And don’t even think about getting in the way of my Turkey Sandwich.
The last two days, I have failed to eat a sensible breakfast and I have been forced to eat a late Lunch. That’s a bad combination.
The result: On both occasions, I absolutely OWNED (devoured) my Turkey Sandwich.
Yesterday: No breakfast and I had to wait for Brianne to bring me a Turkey Pesto from the Walnut Room. I inhaled that SOB. Two minutes easy. And this ain’t no pussy roll of a sandwich.
Today: Early morning meeting (9am is early for me) and then I my Lunch got delayed by my frantic boss who was about to get his ass handed to him by our Board of Directors. The good news is that I was within walking distance from Pat’s and got a Turkey Sand there.
I have a very consistent feeding schedule and when people fuck with, I get very angry.
Truth be told: I have been in a major Turkey Sandwich slump lately. It’s not that I haven’t been craving Turkey Sandwiches, it’s just that I haven’t been been in a situation to have one in recent days. But, with that said – I did eat at least three of them this past weekend.
Today, I was bound and determined to have a Turkey Sandwich for lunch. After some heavy deliberation about trying out a new place in town, I decided to go to an old stand-by, the bottom of the barrel: Subway. At least that’s what people believe is the bottom of the barrel in Denver. All of my co-workers looked at me as the scum of the Earth when I asked if they wanted anything from Subway. Absolutely no takers, which was fine with me since this meant that I could ride my bike to get my sandwich.
And I didn’t go to just any Subway – I went to a GAS STATION SUBWAY. In my book, the Subway hierarchy works like this:
- Stand alone Subway: still crap, but sometimes clean
- Mall Subway: disgruntled high school students, food courts
- Gas Station Subway: total crap, the only thing worse is…
- Truck Stop Subway: avoid at all risk. Stick to the beef jerky.
My Sandwich: Turkey, Swiss, lettuce, onion, green peppers, banana peppers, spinach and ranch dressing on Honey Oat bread.
My Review: A direct quote from me after I ate the sandwich: “I’ve had worse. Not great, but I’ve had worse.”
The Result: I had incredible gas the entire day. Mrs. Turkey Sandwich (who claims that she had a stint as a Sandwich Artist at a Mall Subway) paid me a nice compliment and told me that my gas smelled like the Turkey when they open the plastic bags and dump it in the bins.
Thank you, Subway. It has always been my dream to emit the smell of Turkey from my ass. And because of you, today, my dream came true.
I took my lunch to work today. And guess what. After a full weekend of eating Turkey Sandwiches, I got back on that horse and ate another one for lunch. Top that you Son Bitch.
I don’t really like taking my lunch to work. Eating lunch is an event for me and I normally like to go out to celebrate getting through half of the day.
But the real problem is that I normally eat my Lunch way too early and by 3pm I am starving again. It’s rare that I have something to snack on, so when I come home, I absolutely gorge myself with junk. And that’s exactly what happened today. I raided some leftovers that had been hanging around since before the marathon.
My sandwich today finished off the remaining deli Turkey from the Marathon. But DO NOT FEAR. I went to King Soopers last night and got some Maple Roasted Turkey. I looking forward to making on hell of a sandwich with that shit.