Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to the Future. Indoor Turkey Frying is Now a Reality.

I have good news and bad news:

The Good: The days of sitting outside, getting drunk and frying a turkey are over.

The Bad: The days of sitting outside, getting drunk and frying a turkey are over.

Introducing the Butterball Indoor Turkey Fryer:

But here’s the interesting part.  The top of this Turkey Fryer looks like one of the characters from Futurerama, doesn’t it?


So Neal, How do YOU Make a Turkey Sandwich?

Neal’s Turkey Sandwich, originally uploaded by nealdstewart.

I get this question a lot: “Neal, when you make a Turkey Sandwich, how do you make it?”

Fair question. One would think that the guy who reviews all of these Turkey Sandwiches from around the country would know how to make one himself. And that would be correct.

WARNING: It may look like much, but this Turkey Sandwich is not for the faint of heart.

Here’s how you make it:

Get a whole wheat hoagie bun. Add some PASTRAMI FLAVORED TURKEY – preferrably Boar’s Head. Add PEPPER JACK cheese.

Microwave for 1 minute

Open up the sandwich and spread some french onion dip as your condiment. Then add some CHOLULA HOT SAUCE.


That’s it. I promise you will enjoy the shit out of this Turkey Sandwich.

Want to Make it Better? Add Chili.

Chili Turkey Sandwich, originally uploaded by nealdstewart.

Think about it: pretty much everything is better with Chili.

Hot Dog or Chili Dog? I’d go Chili Dog every time.
Cheese Fries or Chili Cheese Fries? Do I even have to answer?
Cheeseburger or Chili Cheeseburger? Duh.

That’s why I did a Chili Turkey Sandwich today. Chili makes everything better, even a Turkey Sandwich.

Whole Foods Turkey Sandwich Not Cutting It

I pretty much love everything at Whole Foods.  Big fan of the Whole Foods.  I don’t do my grocery shopping there (I’m not stupid), but their pre-made food is the shit.  Except their sandwiches, which pisses me off to no end.

The Turkey Sandwich they offer at my local Whole Foods (Cherry Creek), is called “The Steamboat”.  It has Turkey, Brie and basil pesto, and it’s just not good enough.  They can do better.

So I got a salad today.  But, being the devoted Turkey connoisseur that I am, I took a few slices of Turkey from the HOT side of the salad bar and added to my salad.  How crafty is that?  You gotta out-smart “The Man” sometimes.

Lunch at Whole Foods

You Can’t Teach Cheese

One thing that I have not discussed very much here on the Turkey Sandwich Report is CHEESE SELECTION. The Cheese that you choose to put on your Turkey Sandwich is important.  Really fucking important.

I’m not here to teach you how to choose cheese.  Like they say in sports, “You can’t teach speed.”  Well, you can’t teach Cheese either.  You either intuitively know cheese or you don’t.  It’s as simple as that.

Myself, I know cheese.  For example I was daring enough to go with the Buffalo Blue Cheese for this delicious Grilled Turkey and Cheese from Chedd’s.  It was a bold move, but it worked.


I also know when to go with a white cheese vs. a yellow/orange cheese.  When to go with something with spices vs. something more traditional.

But here is my offer: if anyone needs some cheese consulting, I’m here for you.  Just give me the details of your sandwich and what cheeses are available and I’ll give you my take.  Free of charge.  How can you beat that?