Back by Popular Demand

Hi everybody.  It’s been a while, but I’m back.  I was inspired to get back in the game by this big-ass, triple-decker Turkey Sandwich at Perry’s Deli in Chicago.

I’ve blogged about Perry’s before.  You might remember that they’re not totally clear about their hours of operation.  They also don’t want people talking on their phone while on the premises.  You dare to do that and they’ll sound the alarm.  They mean serious business at Perry’s.

They also mean business when it comes to sandwiches.  I tell no lie when I say that they pile on a handful of Turkey on their Turkey Sandwiches.  Same goes for the bacon – that’s a handful too.  We all know that anything more than a handful, you risk spraining a tongue.

By the way, Perry’s does indeed use REAL TURKEY.

The downside of a gigantic sandwich is that the result can often times be ugly.  This was no different.  You can tell I went to war with this sandwich and I’m not sure who won.  You be the judge.

I give up: Whole Foods Can’t Make a Decent Sandwich

I’ve tried grilled sandwiches. I’ve tried, toasted sandwiches. I’ve tried club sandwiches. I’ve tried sandwiches on the menu and created ones on my own. I’ve tried different toppings on my sandwiches and none of them work. For some reason, the sandwiches at Whole Foods suck.

Honestly, I can’t even diagnose the problem. Whole Foods seems to use good ingredients, but no matter what combination I go with, every sandwich I get from the sandwich counter at Whole Foods absolutely sucks.

Take this sandwich for example: Since I’ve had no luck with straight up Turkey Sandwiches in the past, I went with Turkey and Ham. I also went with toasted bread and sun-dried tomatoes. All I can say is that this sandwich sucked. Too greasy (from the sun-dried tomatoes) and the the Turkey/Ham was really bland. I couldn’t even keep the fucking thing together, as you can tell.  A shitty Turkey Sandwich all the way around.

But here’s my dilemma: I’m one “punch” away from filling out my “Lunch Club” card and it’s only good with sandwiches and burritos. Sure, I could get one more Burrito and then a free one to go with it. But i’m a Sandwich Guy and their burritos suck too.

You May Now Have a Quizno’s Torpedo

I have been traveling out on the East Coast over the last few weeks and my Turkey Sandwich options have been limited.  I don’t do Subway, so Quizno’s has turned out to be the next best thing.

You’ve probably been seeing their TV commercials for their $4 Torpedo and wondering when I am going to weigh in on this concept.  Well, I am here to clear the air and let you know if you can eat a Torpedo.

The answer is: yes.

Quizno’s Torpedo is actually pretty good.  I like the bread better than their regular sandwiches and at $4 they’re a pretty good deal.  My only advice is to tell them to run it thru the toaster twice.  My sources tell me that Quizno’s has shortened their toasting time considerably over the last few years so that they can pump the sandwiches out faster.  Tell them to toast it twice and to keep their mouth shut.

The Father of The Turkey Sandwich

I’ve always wanted to be “The Father of” something.  Just not kids. And since no one has really taken “Fathership” of the Turkey Sandwich, I’m taking it.

From here forward, I want to officially be known as “Neal Stewart, Father of The Turkey Sandwich.”

Any time I am introduced, I insist to be called by this name.  Kind of like when Bob Denver of Gilligan’s Island fame, had his picture taken, he INSISTED on posing like this:

Bob Denver - You can call him Gilligan

Same thing. And when people insist on something, you HAVE to do it.

Turkey Sandwich Report Fan Mail

Longtime Turkey Sandwich Report reasder, “Chris Pleimann’s Lisp” recently dropped us a line and posed an interesting question.  He writes:

I’m blowing the cover off this thing:

A bologna sandwich is better than a turkey sandwich.

I know this might come off as blasphemy to you, but I ask that you clear your mind of all preconceived notions and allegiances that you might have.  Now, don’t get me wrong. Real, true, authentic turkey that is fresh off the bone blows bologna away. And even some hi-end processed turkey might be better.
However, if you just take the run of the mill Oscar Meyer processed turkey versus Oscar Meyer bologna, and truly open up your mind, you will find that bologna tastes better as a sandwich.
I ask you to fry a couple of slice of bologna, with a simple slice of Colby cheese and place on some wonder bread and do the same exact ingredients but replace the bologna with processed turkey, I promise that you will like the bologna sandwich better.
I find processed turkey to be over-rated. I think it is a “yuppy” coldcut. Kinda like when some asshole drives a BMW instead of good ‘ol Dodge Stratus. Or when somebody goes Land Rover when a Jeep would do just fine.
Processed Turkey is an over-rated, yuppie cold cut.
What do you say?  I see a challenge in the making.