You heard it here first.
I felt that I owed the loyal readers of the Turkey Sandwich Report Jason’s response to Glenn’s claims.
Here’s what he had to say:
Glenn is a total douche bag who has made countless lies to deface my integrity. I never yelled at anyone, and I was never given more than one shirt. I was written up once for not wearing a helmet and once for being late.
Enough of this warm and fuzzy shit. It’s time for The Turkey Sandwich to start serving up some hard-hitting journalism. It’s time to start talking about the REAL issues that matter. Like the shit that going down at Jimmy John’s in Pioneer Square (Seattle). These are real issues with real people and The Turkey Sandwich isn’t going to just turn away and act like it’s not going on.
When I left the office to find my lunch I hadn’t a care in the world. But when I got back to the office, I was burdened with the knowledge of real atrocities going on in the world of Sandwich Making. We would all like to act like this shit isn’t happening. But it is.
Meet Jason (right) and his knucklehead friend:
Jason was done wrong by some asshole manager at Jimmy John’s. You see, Jason is a bike messenger and he doesn’t make dick for money. So he took a second job at Jimmy John’s to make a little extra cash.
Apparently the management at Jimmy John’s had a problem with the stench Jason would drag in to the shop when he showed up to work. “Valid point” you might say, but here’s the deal: It wasn’t Jason that stunk, it was his work shirt. And Jimmy John’s only gave him one fucking shirt. Jason doesn’t live in some swanky house with a washer and dryer. Jason can’t afford to be going out to do laundry before every shift. So the shirt stunk.
Jason tells me that he very politely explained his dilemma and requested another shirt from the jerkoffs at Jimmy John’s. And like the sons of bitches that they are, they rejected his request.
So Jason and his knucklehead friends picket Jimmy John’s and explain his plight to anyone who will lend an ear. Jason is willing to negotiate. He’s willing to get his job (with the addition of a couple more work shirts) back or will accept just two months of severance pay.
The Turkey Sandwich Report stands in solidarity with Jason. We will not be patronizing ANY Jimmy John’s until this situation is rectified.
If any of the douchebags from Jimmy John’s would like to contact me, The Turkey Sandwich Report is ready and willing to mediate this stuation. I hope we can reach a solution. It’s in the best interest for all of us.
Let me just get to the point here: Arby’s makes a fucking good Turkey Sandwich. I’ve been meaning to get one of their Toasted Subs and I finally got to it today. And I’ll tell you what, their have a Turkey Bacon Club is a solid Turkey Sandwich. I thoroughly enjoyed the fuck out of that thing.
Ok, on to the big news: A colleague of mine, Josh Mishell, is also a big Turkey Sandwich fan. He recently stopped by The Spicy Pickle and noticed that they changed their bread. He immediately lodged a complaint thru their website. To their credit, they immediately responded and invited him to come in to have lunch with them and talk things over.
He took them up on their offer and asked if I could join in, being that I’m big fucking deal in the world of Turkey Sandwiches. They accepted and I’m meeting with the big shots over at The Spicy Pickle.
Trust me – I will be asking the tough questions. No softballs lobbed up for them to hit out of the park in this conversation. I’m gonna make Mike Wallace look like Pee Wee Herman. At the top of my list is going to be Turkey Quality. I want to know who their vendor is and if they are confident about their cold cuts.
More information about this meeting is available at Bank Gothic Overload.
I bought a car yesterday, but that’s not the “breaking news”. I had to buy a new car because I was terribly “up-side-down” on mine and it needed about $4000 in repairs, plus new tires, which would have been another $800. Then who knows what would have happened. So Mrs. Turkey Sandwich bit the bullet and bought a new one.
What’s important here is that buying this car took all day and I was fucking starving by the time we drove off the lot. We stopped at a place called “Bear Rock Cafe” for Dinner. Right off the bat, I was impressed with their sandwich selection. They had a few very solid Turkey Sandwich option, all of which sounded pretty damn appealing.
I went with “The Moose,” which is essentially a Club Sandwich – and a cup of Chicken Noodle Soup on the side. Granted, I was starving, but this was a very nice Turkey Sandwich. The most impressive part of it was their Bear Rock Honey Mustard. Damn tasty. The soup was good too.
But, hold tight, that’s not the breaking news.
I don’t drink a lot of soda, but on occasion, I’ll wash my TS down with a nice Dr. Pepper or Coca-Cola. In this case, I went with a MUG Rootbeer.
That’s not the breaking news either, but here’s what IS: Many of you know that Dale Earnhardt Jr. is leaving DEI Racing at the end of the year and will part ways from his current sponsor, Budweiser. Many of you have also heard rumors that Dale Jr. will be sponsored by Pepsi next year and may even race with Mountain Dew on a his car a few times next year. What you DON”T know is that my inside sources tell me that “Little E” will also race with MUG ROOTBEER on his car a few times next year. Yes, you heard it here first at The Turkey Sandwich Report – Dale Earnhardt Jr. will indeed be sponsored by Pepsi in 2008 and will race with an assortment of Pepsi brands on his car, including MUG Rootbeer.
This is very inside information that has not been released to the media, but mark my words, you will be hearing about it very soon.