Do you know what REAL Turkey is?

I’m a big fan of the show Diners, Drive-ins and Dives (Triple D).  In fact, I’ve started searching out places where the host Guy Fieri has visited.  Yea, pretty nerdy, I know.  Whatever.  I take my food pretty serious.

Tomorrow is my birthday, so when Mrs. Turkey Sandwich asked me where I wanted to go for my birthday dinner, I checked the innerettes to see if there was a place in Denver that has been featured on  “Triple D” that I have not been to yet.

There was.  It’s called The Bagel Deli and it’s a couple miles from my house.  It’s a Jewish Deli and with that, my decision was made.

Typically when I visit one of the places featured on Triple D, I order what Guy ate on the show.  Since I was celebrating MY birthday, I was considering the Pastrami and Turkey Sandwich.  Before I made the commitment, I asked the waitress if the Turkey was real.  I had reason to believe it was because the menu prominently said “as authentic as it gets” but I stil wanted a confirmation.  Her response was “well, yeah, they slice it”.  That wasn’t really the response I was looking for, but the waitress made me kind of nervous and I could tell she wanted me to hurry up and make a decision.

The final assessment: no it’s not real Turkey.  It’s processed.  The Pastrami was strong, but the Turkey was weak.  Bagel Deli: I think you might be stretching the truth by saying “authentic as it gets” – at least when it comes to Turkey Sandwiches.

Cheeba Hut: Revisted

You might recall some previous posts about our favorite stoner-themed sandwich shop, Cheeba Hut.  It’s easy to say that Cheeba Hut is our favorite stoner-themed sandwich shop because it’s the only one we’ve been to.  If you don’t recall those posts and are curious, click here.

Anyway, Cheeba Hut has invaded Denver.  Actually they probably invaded Denver about a year ago, but I don’t go downtown too much, so I hadn’t ever been to their new location until today.  I have to get my blood checked every 6 months for high cholesterol issues and it is my tradition to absolutely gorge myself after getting my blood drawn.  Since I was off work today, I decided to head downtown and see what Cheeba Hut was smokin.

I went with a “pinner” sized Afghani: Turkey, jalapenos and pepper jack cheese.  I also added their house sauce, which is a parmesan/oregano vinaigrette.  I’ll say this: it was better than the last sandwich I had there.  I’m not gonna put it in the Turkey Top 10 or anything, but it was solid.

Other than of course the names of their sandwiches, the best thing about Cheeba Hut is the fact that they have Kool-aid on tap.  Not really on tap like beer, but you get my point.  Stoners love them some Kool-aid.

Breaking News: The Smiling Moose Deli on Colorado is Closed

They went ahead and did it.  The Smiling Moose Deli has officially moved out of the shittiest location in the restaurant business and relocated to Downtown Denver.

The world’s shittiest location is at Colorado and 8th, which was about a mile from my house.  Although it might seem like this would be uber-convenient for me, it was a huge fucking pain in the ass and actually prevented me from visiting The Smiling Moose as much as I would like.  The parking lot was tiny and traffic on that block of Colorado is a real bitch.  It just wasn’t worth the trouble.

So, good for The Smiling Moose.

But now it’s ON in Downtown D-town.  Cheba Hut moved in about a year ago and The Smiling Moose is moving in on their turf.  Sandwich fans, just sit back and enjoy.  This will be a battle to the death.

I give up: Whole Foods Can’t Make a Decent Sandwich

I’ve tried grilled sandwiches. I’ve tried, toasted sandwiches. I’ve tried club sandwiches. I’ve tried sandwiches on the menu and created ones on my own. I’ve tried different toppings on my sandwiches and none of them work. For some reason, the sandwiches at Whole Foods suck.

Honestly, I can’t even diagnose the problem. Whole Foods seems to use good ingredients, but no matter what combination I go with, every sandwich I get from the sandwich counter at Whole Foods absolutely sucks.

Take this sandwich for example: Since I’ve had no luck with straight up Turkey Sandwiches in the past, I went with Turkey and Ham. I also went with toasted bread and sun-dried tomatoes. All I can say is that this sandwich sucked. Too greasy (from the sun-dried tomatoes) and the the Turkey/Ham was really bland. I couldn’t even keep the fucking thing together, as you can tell.  A shitty Turkey Sandwich all the way around.

But here’s my dilemma: I’m one “punch” away from filling out my “Lunch Club” card and it’s only good with sandwiches and burritos. Sure, I could get one more Burrito and then a free one to go with it. But i’m a Sandwich Guy and their burritos suck too.

Boulder is a Black Hole of Turkey Sandwiches

I scored some free tickets to the Mizzou @ Colorado basketball game today.  This was perfect timing because I’ve been meaning to head up to Boulder and check out their Turkey Sandwich scene for quite some time.  I’ve already documented Fort Collins’ great sandwich scene on this here blog, but I haven’t had a chance to hit Boulder up quite yet.

After the game, my Turkey Sandwich Radar pointed me to the famous Pearl Street Mall.  Rule of thumb: hippies, street performers and street kids always congregate near sandwich shops.

Except in a town called Boulder, CO.  I walked up and down the Pearl Street Mall and couldn’t find shit.  I walked in a few places that seemed like a good choice and they completely let me down:

  • West End Tavern – No Turkey Sandwich on the menu
  • Lindsay’s Boulder Deli – Based on the amount of Haagen-Dazs shit hanging on the window, it seemed like they take Ice Cream more serious than sandwiches.  Rejected.
  • Lolita’s Deli – Couldn’t find it.

So I gave up on finding a decent Turkey Sandwich and ended up at the Twisted Pine Brewery for a sampler flight.  Lo and behold they offer a Turkey Sandwich on the menu.

Twisted Pine Turkey Sandwich

Just a simple, processed-Turkey-between-two-slices-of-bread-sandwich.  But that’s ok.  Twisted Pine brews beer, they don’t claim to have the best sandwiches.

The lesson here: if you’re looking for a sandwich in Cololrado, stick to Denver or Fort Collins.

730 South: Welcome to the Turkey Top 10

I’m often asked: “Hey, where do you go to get your favorite Turkey Sandwich?”  I politely answer the same way every time: “Well, if you read my fucking blog, you would know that I have the Turkey Top 10 and that will give you all of the answers you need.”

I remind everyone of this because I would like to welcome a new member of the Turkey Top 10: 730 South American Bar and Grill in Denver, CO.  730 South’s “Big Daddy Turkey” has a lot going for it.

  • It has bacon on it
  • The use real turkey
  • Raspberry Cream Cheese – that’s interesting
  • There are apple slices on it – way to be creative there, 730 South!
  • Foccacia bread – not my favorite bread, but I’m ok with it.

Nice work 730 South.  I’m impressed with your Turkey Sandwich skills.  I’m not sure how the rest of your menu looks, because it took me about 10 seconds to find the Big Daddy Turkey Sandwich and I was sold.

The Sandwich I didn’t Have

I’ll get straight to the point: The Smilin’ Moose Deli doesn’t carry the Dinner Roll any more and someone has some ‘spanin to do.

When I stopped by their Colorado Blvd location this past Saturday, I was fully prepared to buy TWO sandwiches – one of which was going to be the Dinner Roll, which is kind of like a French Dip, but with Turkey.  I’m a big fan of au-jus.  But then confusion started to set in: It wasn’t on the menu posted above the order counter.  I slowly realized that it had been taken off of the menu.

But then a ray of hope.  It was on the paper menu that was taped down to on the counter.  Maybe there was an oversight when they printed their menus?  I ask the cashier and he tells me that the paper menus are old and they don’t have it anymore.  A managerial type-guy chimes in from the kitchen that they no longer carry the au-jus, therefore rendering the Dinner Roll obsolete.

Wha?  They can’t carry a few cans of au-jus to keep us loyal Dinner Roll fans happy?

Truth be told, I like the Dinner Roll for a few reasons:

  1. I like au-jus.
  2. My dogs like a little au-jus sprinkled over their food as a special treat and I always bring home the left over au-jus for them.
  3. I like to say “au jus”

The curious part of all this is that when I interviewed Smilin’ Moose Deli founder and owner a couple months ago, I mentioned how much I liked the Dinner Roll.  At that time, he didn’t mention that the Dinner Roll was no longer on the menu or even on the chopping block.  Was I mislead?  Was important information kept from me?  Kevin wouldn’t do that to the Turkey Sandwich Report… would he?

Has the Smilin’ Moose Deli been living a lie?  Kevin, tell me that’s not true.

Rodney’s: Come for the Turkey Sandwich, Stay for the Cougars

Rodney’s is a hot spot for the middle-aged set in Cherry Creek.  It ain’t no thing to see women strutting around in a bedazzled, lycra-spandex blend jumpsuit in-between her sips of Kendall Jackson Chardonnay.  Or you might see a smooth-talking car salesman chilling in his best Tommy Bahama shirt while he nurses a Michelob-Ultra/Jim Beam Boilermaker.

Rodney’s is also in a basement, so if there is a chill in the air, it’s nice and cozy inside.  There’s something about wood paneling and the smell of Windsong and Old Spice that makes me feel at home.

As you can see, it’s a pretty sweet place.  Mrs. Turkey Sandwich and I like to hit Rodney’s up from time-to-time to take in the sights and smells while we have dinner and a couple cocktails.

The menu at Rodney’s is interesting.  It’s one of those places that can’t decide what they fuck they specialize in, so they do a little bit of everything.  They do enchiladas, chicken fried steak, burgers, steaks and yes a Turkey Sandwich.

with Au Gratin Potatoes

Honestly, I’ve been to Rodney’s 4 or 5 times and I’ve resisted the Turkey Sandwich every time.  Maybe I was in awe of the sets of fake, middle-aged breasts, or maybe it was the opportunity to get “Tres Enchiladas” at a place called Rodney’s.  Whatever it was, the time had not come – until last night.

I ordered Rodney’s Turkey Sandwich and I’ve doubled down by getting the Au Gratin potatoes as my side.  Rodney makes a bold statement about his Turkey Sandwich on the menu: “we slow roast our own, slice it, and pile it high”.

I don’t know about that Rodney. Slow roast it? Maybe.  The quality of Turkey was good. But Rodney, “pile it high”? I don’t think so.

As Mrs. Turkey Sandwich, who ate half of the sandwich because her sliders were cooked a little more rare than she would have liked, said, it needed some sauce or something.  Excellent point.  As I look back at the photo, I wish I would have thrown some of those Au Gratin potatoes on there.  That would might have been tastier than eaves-dropping on that Tommy Bahama guy trying to hook up with Lady Bedazzle.

Snarf’s Update

As you might recall, a few weeks ago, I got a sandwich at Snarf’s here in Denver.  Being the professional Turkey Sandwich Eater that I am, I ordered their “professional” size, which is SUPPOSED to be 12″.  Upon measurement, it was 10.5″.

I contacted Snarfs in hopes of resolving this matter.  Amy McCall from Snarf’s responded to my email. Here’s what she had to say about screwing me out of 1.5″ of sandwich:

All of our stores use long cutting boards with notches marked into them for the sizes as well as our bread being fresh baked and therefore a irregular at times.  I measured all of our sandwich boards and noticed that at both Ogden (Denver store) and our Longmont store that their notches were off.  I had them switch their boards around, remeasure and drew notches on with a magic marker and all of our stores are now on the same page.

Ok, so let me get this straight:

  • Is it the irregular size of the bread that is the problem or the cutting boards?
  • And did the Director of Cutting Board Operations have a faulty ruler when they built these elaborate cutting boards or were they just an idiot?

To complete the rest of the story, Amy from Snarf’s did offer to send me a gift certificate as a ‘thank you’ for bringing this issue to her attention – which was a kind offer.  I accepted and emailed them my address on 9/21/10.  The problem is that today is 10/16/10 and I still haven’t received it.  But that’s alright.  Their sandwiches suck anyway.