Toast the Damn Sandwich!

There is an epidemic that is sweeping the Sandwich industry.  We’ve already had one casualty in Quizno’s and we’re in the process of losing another one in Schlotzsky’s.

But WE are the victims here.  And the worst part - it doesn’t need to happen.

Here’s the issue: Our sandwiches are being toasted less and less. The last two days, I’ve had a Turkey Sandwich from Schlotzsky’s or Quizno’s.  Both are obviously toasted less/faster than they were as soon as 6 months ago.  And definitely less than a couple years ago.

What’s the deal?  Does toasting the sandwich 10 fewer seconds really make them that much more efficient?  I’ll tell you what it makes them - a non factor - that’s what!

I go to Quizno’s only because they are close to my office and they have a parking lot, but their sandwiches are really a waste of time.  I go to Schlotzsky’s every once in a while because they are close to the tennis shop where I get my racquets re-strung.  The only redeeming quality of their Turkey Sandwich is the hot sauce, but that’s really just a cover-up for a bland-ass TS.

Bottom line - If you are going to pride yourself on “toasted” sandwiches, then TOAST the fucking sandwiches like you mean it!

On a separate, but related note to Quizno’s: I hate your commercials where people eat the $5.  It doesn’t make me want to eat one of your sandwiches.

I Went to the HEB Today

Grocery stores in Denver pretty much suck. 

First of all they make you use those fucking frequent shopper cards to get the discounts so they can stalk you and know what you buy.  I refuse to carry them.  I’ll ask for a new one every time,  I don’t care.

Second of all, most of the checkers and baggers are little punk-ass fuckwads and never do any fucking work.  Don’t worry about it guys, I actually enjoy bagging my fucking groceries.

I digress.

Third of all, they don’t carry Boar’s Head deli meats.  They insist on carrying that second rate crap. 

I’ve been in San Antonio over the weekend and you damn well know I stopped by the HEB today to pick up some Boar’s Head deli meat.  I went with the Salsalito since I haven’t had it in a while.  I never really took the time to appreciate HEB’s vast selection of Boar’s Head meats and cheeses while I lived here.  They even had Boar’s Head Sauerkraut!  I thought about buying it, just as a memento.

Pictures and shit on the way.  I’m using someone else’s computer this weekend and they’ll probably freak out if I log them out of their Yahoo account, so you’ll just have to wait until I can get into my own Flickr account.

The Biggest Game in the History of Turkey (Sandwiches)

The Turkey Sandwich Report has quietly observed Euro08 and watched our team, Turkey, advance to the semi-finals.  Not that we jumping on the bandwagon - we’ve always been on it - we are just getting a little more vocal about our support.

GO TURKEY!

This is more than a battle of Turkey vs. Deutchland.  It is Turkey Sandwiches vs. Brautwurst.  It’s triptophan vs. cholesterol.  It’s Constantinople vs. Berlin.

Cem Bilge Lives!

The Smiling Moose is in the House

I had a full day to myself today.  Worked from home and had dinner by myself too.  That meant that I could do whatever the hell I wanted for dinner - and did I ever take advantage of it.

First off, the Smiling Moose has moved into the neighborhood and I had not officially welcomed them, so I swung by there for a large Dinner Roll.  This is a damn good sandwich since it is part Turkey Sandwich, part Cheesesteak and Part French Dip.  How sweet is that?

Second, I swung by Wendy’s.  Since I was working from home all day, I had the TV on and they were pushing these Strawberry Shakes that were calling my name.  So I went by there to get one of those deals and I while I was at it, I got some fries to go with the Dinner Roll.

What?  You have a problem with me going to two different spots to gather my Dinner?  It’s not like you’ve never done that before.  And if you say you haven’t, you’re lying.

Whole Foods’ Turkey Sandwiches Just Not Meeting My Expectations

Let me start by saying that Whole Foods’ pizza is the shit.  I love that stuff.  So maybe their pizza has set an level of expectation that are so incredibly high, that their sandwiches just can’t get their.  Phil Mickelson isn’t a bad golfer, he just sucks compared to Tiger Woods - that’s all.

I got the Country Club Club from Whole Foods today.  I actually wanted the pizza, but I haven’t had a Turkey Sandwich in a while, so I thought I better eat one, so all you sons of bitches stop whining, “Why hasn’t he reviewed a Turkey Sandwich lately?

There’s just something that is off with their Turkey Sandwiches.  I thought it was me when the last time I was there, I got a TS with Brie and Chipotle mayo.  That wasn’t good, but I thought it was the cheese/spread combo that fucked it up.

Strange thing happened today, the TS tasted pretty much the same as that last piece of crap I had.  So it’s them.  Not me.  In fact, it’s never me.  Always them.  I know Turkey Sandwiches WAY better than them.

I took a picture of this sandwich, but screw it.  I’m not putting it on here.  Not worth my time.

You Got Free Soup, I’m There

I had a BUSINESS meeting in Philadelphia last week.  We decided to make it a lunch appointment and chose McGillin’s Ale House in Downtown Philadelphia.  (They call it “Center City” there)

McGillin’s is old.  They opened this son of a bitch in 1860.

When I arrived for my meeting a little earlier than the person I was meeting, the hostess (who was also old) said the sweetest words these ears have ever heard: “We have free soup.  Today’s soup is Turkey Noodle.  Feel free to serve yourself.”

What?!  Free Soup AND it’s Turkey Noodle AND you can just serve yourself?  Genius!  That’s the kind of Ale House I like!

On top of that, their Turkey Sandwich was FUCKING awesome.  Real turkey.  No bullshit here.

Pure genius. Free soup and awesome Turkey Sandwiches.

Cheeba Hut Rolls One for The Turkey Sandwich Report

I’m sorry that I couldn’t share all of the details with you in advance, but I took a meeting with Cheeba Hut today.  It was all really hush-hush, but they invited me up to Fort Collins to talk Turkey Sandwiches.

To be blunt, they were uber-impressed with my Turkey Sandwich knowledge and prowess.  So much in fact, that they wanted to get together and see if we could spark up some ideas.  And spark we did.  I gave them three solid ideas for sandwiches that they should add to the menu and from what I gather, they’re going to try them out at the Fort Collins location.  If all goes well, they could be rolled out nationally.

As for the meeting today, they were nice enough to treat me to a sandwich of my choice.  Being a Midwest kid, I went the Midwest’s Best.  It’s technically a Club Sandwich - ham, bacon and the like.  And I added some peppers and a little Ranch Dressing.

The Cheeba Hut guys also gave me a hit of White Widow.  I definitely specialize in Turkey Sandwiches, but this was a tasty chicken sandwich.  Good stuff.

All in all, the guys at Cheeba hut are good shit.  They’re really into firing up good sandwiches and good service.  PLUS they actually DO adequately TOAST their subs, unlike Quizno’s who keeps shortening their toast time so they can make the sandwiches faster.

There was one weird thing that happened at the end of the meeting: they asked if I wanted to “mow the grass”? First of all, they didn’t even have a lawn.  Second of all, their sandwiches are good and all and they’re nice guys, but I’m not not mowing their fucking lawn, no matter how many Turkey Sandwiches they give me.  Fuck that.

Here’s Your “Special” Panini, Sir!

Most of the time I think “Panini” is just code for the heals of the bread loaf being disguised as a toasted sandwich where the pieces are cut into triangles to be cute.  I had a fairly mediocre Panini called “The Sofia” at some deli in Breckenridge this week and thought that it was just because I’m not really that big of a Panini fan.

But maybe there is more to this story.  After I ate the sandwich, I thought back to the conversation the people I was with had the guy working at this deli.  They told him that I was “The Turkey Sandwich Report Guy and the Turkey Sandwich better be good.”  Needless to say, his reaction was less than impressed.  So there’s a fair chance that there was a healthy amount of spit mixed in with the cranberry sauce.  And our sandwiches took forever to make, so I’m pretty sure he scrubbed his taint with the Panini bread.

If you ever have the pleasure of eating a Turkey Sandwich with me, and you want me to actually EAT the sandwich, keep your mouth shut and just order your fucking sandwich.

The Turkey Sandwich Report’s “Adopt a Fazoli’s” Program

Have you ever seen anyone at a Fazoli’s?  Have you ever heard someone say, “Hey, I have an idea. Let’s get Fazoli’s for lunch!”

Me neither.

But Fazoli’s isn’t really all that bad.  Their Submarino Club and Smoked Turkey Panini aren’t really all that bad.  In fact, they’re better than a lot of other Turkey Sandwiches I’ve had.  Plus, I like to get a slice of their cheese pizza for the ride home (a road slice) - but that’s another subject altogether.

So I am asking you - my loyal readers of The Turkey Sandwich Report to join me in our “Adopt a Fazoli’s” program.  Participating is easy.  All you have to do is pick a Fazoli’s location and keep them in business by eating there once a week.  That’s all!  Stop by, get a Submarino and a slice of pizza.  For less than $10 a week, YOU can keep a Fazoli’s location in business.  That’s less than the cost of a cup of coffee per day.

And the best part, you’ll feel good about it.

I’m adopting the Fazoli’s at 8260 S. Quebec.  Please leave a comment and let me know which Fazoli’s you are adopting.

Turkey Sandwich from Fat Jack’s: The Aftermath