A Little Old Lady Made Me a Kick-ass Turkey Sandwich

Thriftway Turkey Sandwich, originally uploaded by nealdstewart.

Grandmas know how to make good sandwiches. No one can quite explain it, but something happens when they pass the age of 65 where they can all of the sudden make amazing sandwiches. The secret ingredient, you ask… it’s love. And only old ladies can add that very special ingredient.

There a nice, little old lady at a Thriftway in Beaverton, OR that adds a heaping scoop of love to every sandwich she makes.  Even if it’s just a half sandwich, you still get a full scoop of love. Just look at this sandwich: you can see the LOVE oozing from between those slices of Rye bread.

The Turkey Sandwich Nazi

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have come face to face with the Turkey Sandwich Nazi.

I spend a good amount of my time in Seattle.  And for a while now, people have been talking up this place that serves great Turkey Sandwiches using REAL, freshly sliced Turkey.  They also told me that there were some rules at this place: cash only and know what you want before they ask for your order.  If you fuck around, you will be scolded.

The name of the place is Bakeman’s Restaurant.  A non-descriptive name for a non-descriptive place.

Upon entering, I encountered a cafeteria-style line and noticed a tray of freshly cut WHITE Turkey meat and one of DARK Turkey Meat.  Not really knowing the system, I asked for white Turkey meat on Rye.  “White or Wheat?!” they yelled back at me.  Ok, I went with the Wheat.  I was also rejected when I asked for my bread to be toasted.  It’s all about speed at Bakeman’s and they don’t have time to toast bread.

It was also a bit stressful to choose cheese and condiments.  I don’t remember what cheese I chose first, but they didn’t have it.  And if you want deli mustard, you have to make a special request or you’ll get the yellow shit.

At the end of the line, there was this man, The Turkey Sandwich Nazi:

Sorry for the bad photo, but this guy is elusive.   He shuffles customers through the end of the line with speed and precision and just doesn’t have time to be posing for photos – even if it is for the The Turkey Sandwich Report.

His main objective is to up sell your ass.  He pushes the pie, cornbread and soft drinks pretty hard.  But as much as he wants to squeeze a few more bucks out of you, he has no time for indecision.  I took a few seconds to decide what I wanted and the pressure he put on me was palpable.  I panicked and ordered a big piece of Cornbread and 7-up.  Since when do I drink 7-Up?

As for the sandwich, any time I can get a sandwich with real Turkey, I enjoy it.  There wasn’t anything fancy about my sandwich, but that’s fine with me.  It was like a sandwich I would make after Thanksgiving.

Note to Mr. Turkey Sandwich Nazi:

Sir, I promise to have my shit together next time I come in, which will be in the very near future.  I will not ask for my bread to be toasted and I will brush up on the kinds of cheese you offer.  And I will just tell you now, I would like to have a Dr. Pepper with my Turkey Sandwich.  By getting my drink choice out of the way now, we’ll save us at least 5 seconds.  I hope you’re not mad at me.

You Talking to Me?

I was on a flight a couple days ago and as I was I was in that euphoric state that happens right before you go to sleep, the stewardesses (yes, I still call them that – I’m old school) were announcing some of the meal options that were for sale.  As they went through the list, the mentioned a “Turkey Sandwich” and I woke up because I actually thought they were talking to me.

Not only do I love Turkey Sandwiches. I have BECOME a Turkey Sandwich.  It’s a state of mind, folks.

The Eastside Deli Gives a Shit

I like it when people have passion for their craft.  Doesn’t matter what their craft is, but I like it when they give a shit about it.

The guys at Eastside Deli on SE Hawthorn in Portland, OR give a shit about sandwiches.  Here’s why:

1. We had an intelligent conversation about spreads.
2. They were able to make recommendations on what meats should be combined.
3. Eastside deli proudly puts Boar’s Head deli meats on all of their subs.
4. They offer the option to toast your sandwich.  And not with one of those phony toasters (like a certain chain of subshops we all know).  They use a REAL toaster.  And I wouldn’t feel weird about asking them to double-toast my sandwich.
5. They listened when I told them that they need to add Turkey Pastrami to their menu.
6. They have big-ass sandwiches – BUT (and this is the key) they are smart enough to wrap each half individually.  Only a true sandwich aficionado would know to do this.  And obviously, they use butcher paper – not that foo foo tissue paper bullshit.

As for the sandwich – it was good.  They only offer two turkey flavors (mesquite and low salt) so I was a little limited on my meat selection.  I’d also like to see some addtional cheese offerings.  But I love the selection of spreads and toppings as well as the love they put into their craft.

Interestingly, I enjoyed the second half of my sandwich the next morning and I liked it better.  Maybe that gave the horseradish and sun dried tomato spreads a little extra time to marinate the sandwich.

My advice to East Side Deli: expand the menu just a little.  But keep doing what you’re doing.  As long as you don’t fucking start cutting corners, you’ll be fine.  I’ll be back in a few weeks to check on you.

What Restaurant Has the Balls to Serve Potato and Cabbage Soup?

People who truly appreciate great paintings can also appreciate great sculptures.  Similarly, people who can appreciate great sandwiches can also appreciate great soups.  With that being the case, I am constantly challenging myself to expand my horizons and try new and different soups so that I can always offer up a knowledgeable recommendation on what kinds of soups to pair with Turkey Sandwiches.

First off, let me say that you people who think soup is just a Wintertime accompaniment, you’re wrong.  Dead wrong.  Good soups can be enjoyed at any time of the year.

Second, let me say that I absolutely push myself to the absolute edge to provide you with the best information on the most cutting edge soups.  But I thought I might have met my match last week when I visited Elysian Fields in Seattle.  The soup they offered up was “Potato and Cabbage” concoction that I thought might even be beyond my tolerance.  But I sacked up and ordered it.

The crazy thing is that it was actually pretty good.  Maybe it was my reluctance or embarrassment to order it, but the soup was even more memorable than the Turkey Panini itself.  For all I know this soup could have been a big joke to see who would have the cajones to order it.

But no matter what, just remember this: I did it for you. I did it for you.

Which Wich is Back in the Game

Which Wich Turkey Sandwich, originally uploaded by nealdstewart.

I’ve had a roller coaster relationship with Which Wich:

FIRST: I had my first Which Wich in Austin, TX about two years ago. I loved it, mostly because of all the choices of how to build my perfect Turkey Sandwich.

THEN: I started talking up Which Wich to anyone who would listen. Friends, co-workers, my family and to you my Turkey Sandwich Report readers. Which Wich was big shit IMHO at that time.

THEN: Mrs. Turkey Sandwich pointed out that Which Wich’s Turkey kind of sucked. She was right. I’m ok with processed Turkey, but this shit was uber-processed and I couldn’t get past it. No more Which Wich for the the Father of the Turkey Sandwich.

THEN: Jeff Sinelli, the Founder of Which Wich told me that the Turkey was going to change and that was good.

NOW: They finally changed the Turkey, but more importantly – they also offer Turkey Pastrami – and it’s good shit.

My Turkey Sandwich there yesterday was pretty damn good. Here’s what I put on it:

MEAT CHOICE: Turkey Pastramo
BREAD: Wheat
CHEESE: Pepper Jack
MUSTARD: Deli
ONIONS: Red
VEGGIES: Lettuce, Pepperoncini, Bell Peppers,
OILS & SPICES: Oregano, Salt, Pepper

Take it from a professional and get this sandwich next time you’re at Which Wich. And don’t get cocky and think that you can change one ingredient/topping here or there. You’re not as experienced as me and you need to do it exactly as I do.

I Like em’ BIG.

I was in one of my favorite towns this past week: Annapolis, MD.  And whenever I’m in Annapolis, I make it a point to stop by Chick & Ruth’s Delly for a sandwich and plate of fried potatoes.

There are literally dozens and dozens of sandwiches to order at Chick & Ruth’s – most of them named after politicians and their favorite sandwich.  As I combed thru all of the sandwich options, I noticed that there aren’t too many sandwiches of the Turkey variety, which says a lot about our politicians, right?  So right as I was about to order a Hot Dog, I noticed that they have a category of sandwiches called “Colossals”.  From there I knew that I was going for it.  I was going to order the biggest Turkey Sandwich I have ever had.

Being the Turkey Sandwich hot shot that I am, I ordered off of the menu and went with a Turkey/Pastrami with Swiss.  Bread choice: Rye.

The amazing thing about this Turkey Sandwich is that is was just as good cold (4 hours later) as it was hot.  The chees has coagulated a little and the Rye bread was a little soggy, but it was delicious in a completely different way.

And to answer the question all of you smart asses out there are asking: NO, I did not eat the whole thing.  But you can expect this sandwich to be making an appearance in the Turkey Top 10.

You May Now Have a Quizno’s Torpedo

I have been traveling out on the East Coast over the last few weeks and my Turkey Sandwich options have been limited.  I don’t do Subway, so Quizno’s has turned out to be the next best thing.

You’ve probably been seeing their TV commercials for their $4 Torpedo and wondering when I am going to weigh in on this concept.  Well, I am here to clear the air and let you know if you can eat a Torpedo.

The answer is: yes.

Quizno’s Torpedo is actually pretty good.  I like the bread better than their regular sandwiches and at $4 they’re a pretty good deal.  My only advice is to tell them to run it thru the toaster twice.  My sources tell me that Quizno’s has shortened their toasting time considerably over the last few years so that they can pump the sandwiches out faster.  Tell them to toast it twice and to keep their mouth shut.

I Didn’t Get Figgy with It

Chicago is a great place to eat and get fat.  There’s great food everywhere. Pizza, hot dogs, pasta – but not Turkey Sandwiches.  At least not at Uncommon Ground in Wrigleyville.

Let me be clear: I never force myself to eat Turkey Sandwiches.  A lot of people try because just about everyone wants to eat a TS with me, but I never force it.  On this particular Sunday Morning, I was in the mood for some comfort food, and for me that comes in the form of a nice Turkey Sandwich.

But there were a few warning signs when I ordered:

1. There was only one Turkey Sandwich option on the menu
2. It had Arugula on it
3. It also had fig puree on it

I let them put the fig puree on it, but I went sans Arugula.  The sandwich was an absolute trainwreck nonetheless.  I’m no “Johnny Come Lately” when it comes to Turkey Sandwiches, so I think I have every right to say that FIG PUREE has no business being in the same kitchen as a Turkey Sandwich.

The sweet potato fries were good, but I’ll be getting my Turkey Sandwich fix somewhere else next time I’m in Chicago.

Oh, and this Turkey Sandwich isn’t the only thing that sucks in Chicago.  The Cubs blow too.

Update on Jimmy John’s

I had another Turkey Sandwich from Jimmy Johns.  This time I had their Country Club sandwich – with dijon – and I liked it. I want to move them up to three stars.