Faux Thanksgiving Turkey Sandwiches have Jumped the Shark

Blame this one on the Paradise Bakery in the B Terminal at Denver International Airport:

Faux Thanksgiving leftover Turkey Sandwiches have JUMPED THE SHARK.

Sorry, Pat’s Philly Cheesesteaks.

Sorry, Marczyk’s Fine Foods.

Sorry, Which Wich.

All of you have really good Turkey/Cranberry/Thanksgiving-type sandwiches.  But Paradise Bakery screwed the whole thing up with a total piece of crap sandwich that has cranberry sauce.

Therefore, I officially declare: these sandwiches have JUMPED THE SHARK and I am officially on a 60 day sabbatical from any Turkey Sandwich that has cranberry sauce on it.

The Great Mustard Hoax

Whole Foods lied to me today.  They LIED to me I say!

I was super excited when I saw a sandwich called “The Glendale” listed on the menu at the Colorado Blvd location.  The Glendale supposedly has peppered turkey, caramelized onions, honey mustard and mixed greens.

Bread Choice: Ciabatta

Cheese? Yes, Provolone.

Toasted? Yes.

Everything went went fine except for one very important thing.  Their mustard was much more of a yellow mustard rather than a honey mustard. Unacceptible.  Or as Mike Singeltary would say, “Can’t have it. Won’t have it.”

Yellow mustard ruins any Turkey Sandwich.  It’s like putting ketchup on steak.  It’s a faux pas.

And here is some proof of the yellowness of the mustard (click the video below).

Yellow Mustard Turkey Sandwich Video

“The California”

It almost pains me to say this, but there is a certain Turkey Sandwich out there that I’m not a fan of.  In fact, I despise this sandwich.  I doesn’t even deserve the right to be called a Turkey Sandwich.  I’ll give you a clue:

If you put Guac on your Turkey Sandwich, you’re a douche.

Yes, I am talking about the sandwich that is commonly referred to as “The California”.

Personally, I have never witnessed anyone order a TS with Guac on it.  But I have noticed a distrubing trend that many restaurants are starting to offer it.

What gives the State of California the right to name a Turkey Sandwich after themselves?  Or are the restaurants to blame?  Are they “poaching” the name “California” in a feeble attempt to make their place “cool and trendy”?  Are they trying to make their establishment “more Hollywood”?

All I know is that Guacamole or any derivative of Avocado does not belong on a Turkey Sandwich.  So keep that shit off there.  And if you see anyone order this, I demand that you to call them a “Douche”.