America’s Best Grocery Stores… For Turkey

Shame on me.  I’ve spent most of my time here on the Turkey Sandwich Report talking about what we call in the business, “the on-premise,” also known as restaurants.  It’s high time we talk about the “off-premise,” or what common folk call “grocery stores.”

Grocery stores or delis are important.  This is the lifeblood of homemade Turkey Sandwiches.  If they’re slinging out shitty Turkey, you’re going to have a shitty Turkey Sandwich.  Simple as that.  Let’s get to it:

Schnuck’s – I grew up with Schnuck’s.  My first job was at a Schnuck’s in Fairview Heights, IL.  I like Schnuck’s.  They have a Smoked Turkey Breast that my Mom still buys every time I visit.  It’s best served with Hot Pepper Cheese and BBQ Sauce.  Turkey Sandwich Report Rating: 91

(By the way, all of you St. Louis people that are asking, “What about Dierberg’s?” here is my answer: I don’t shop at Dierberg’s.  When I lived there, they were a small-time, two-bit operation.  When I visit now, I go to Schnuck’s. Fuck Dierberg’s.)

Delfarm – Unless you’ve spent any amount of time in Cape Girardeau, MO, you don’t know Delfarm.  I went to college in Cape and Delfarm was the ghetto grocery store down by Don’s Store 24, on the way over to the Crackle.  I think people got shot there on a pretty regular basis.  To be honest, my college years are a bit of a blur and I really don’t remember much about Delfarm either.  I just know they had shitty Turkey and that it was actually a National store, but the old people bitched when National bought out the locally owned Delfarm, so National changed the name back to make the old fucks happy.  Turkey Sandwich Report Rating: 79

HEB – For those of you that live in Texas, you know HEB.  Why? Because HEB OWNS Texas.  Everyone shops at HEB unless you’re one of those assholes in Austin that shops at Randall’s.  If you shop at Randall’s, you’re an outcast and not allowed to have air-conditioning.  When it comes to Turkey selection, HEB rocks the casa becuase they carry Boar’s Head deli meats, including one of my favorites – Salsalito.  Turkey Sandwich Report Rating: 93

Albertson’s – Let’s face it: as evidenced by this crazy pricing, Albertson’s blows. Enough said.  Tutkey Sandwich Report Rating: 83
The Price of Turkey at Albertson's

Safeway: Safeway is anomaly. The sandwiches that they make at the deli to-go aren’t bad.  But if you buy some deli Turkey to go, you can count on it being a slimy piece of shit.

King Soopers: In a sea of shitty deli Turkey in Denver, King Sooper’s is your best option.  They have some kind of Rotisserie Turkey that’s pretty good.  It’s not awesome or anything, but it’s the best of the big grocery stores.  Turkey Sandwich Report Rating: 88

Target: Target is the new kid in town.  They’ve just ventured into the grocery and deli game in the past couple of years.  So far, I like what I see.  They have a Cranberry/Orange Turkey Breast that is better than expected.  Their prices are ok too.  Turkey Sandwich Report Rating: 90

Whole Foods: Yeah, we’re going to throw Whole Foods in the mix.  Yes, they are over-priced.  And yes, only tree-huggers shop there.  But, you gotta admit, their Turkey is pretty damn good.  It’s just too bad I’m too embarrassed to shop there.  Turkey Sandwich Report Rating: 9o

There you have it.  What are your favorite grocery stores for buying deli Turkey?