Mendelson’s is Here to Please

I had a meeting in Downtown Denver yesterday morning, which presented the perfect opportunity to stop by Mendelson’s for Turkey Sandwich.

One of the things I like about Mendelson’s is that they sent me an email talking shit about Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli.  I respect a delicatessen that isn’t afraid to talk shit about its competition.

As I started to order my Turkey Sandwich, I asked if I could make a special request.  Now, I’m not going to tell you assholes what my special request was, because I don’t need you making the same request and backing up the line.

The response to my special request was “we don’t really do that…but what do you want?”  i told them, and the guy said, “Yeah, I can do that.  We’re here to please.”  And they prepared my sandwich as I requested.

Triple Decker Turkey Sandwich

And damn, was it good.  It was a Pastrami seasoned Turkey Sandwich with Pepperjack Cheese.  And let me tell you – that is a magical combination.

[tags]turkey sandwich, report, neal stewart, mendelson’s, denver[/tags]


An Open-faced Letter to Boston Market

Dear Boston Market:

I like you. Your Turkey is actually decent and like the fact that you have a nice selection of sides. Your sandwiches are a little on the small side for me, but we can get past that. After all, it is how you use the Turkey Sandwich, not how big it is.

But here’s the problem: your restaurants are like fucking morgues. I seriously think that the reason you have to close down another store every other day is because you attract lonely people, who eat by themselves. They go there because it’s quiet and they die a slow roasted death while they read John Grisham books. The retirement home decor and lack of background music doesn’t help either.

I stopped by a couple days ago and 6 out of the 7 people eating in there were by themselves! 6 out of 7! During the “Lunch Rush.” Wouldn’t make sense to go after people who have friends and co-workers and like to eat with them?

Boston Market, help me help you. I want to help you succeed and we can do it together. I have two offers for you:

1. I will give you my highly sought-after Turkey Sandwich marketing advice for the cost of Turkey Sandwiches for a year.

2. You can sponsor The Turkey Sandwich Report. Just think of how far that would go in re-energizing your brand? It would be huge.

Or go it on your own. I could give a shit. We’ve seen how far that can get you and there’s always another Turkey Sandwich out there for me.

Your Pal,

Atlanta Bread Company is About as Exciting as the City it’s Named After

Mrs. Turkey Sandwich has been talking shit about Atlanta Bread Company for years now.  For a long time, I thought that she just meant St. Louis Bread Company and was just getting her cities mixed up.  But sure enough, we have an Atlanta Bread Company here in Denver.

A couple notes from my visit:

  1. They apparently make their paninis ahead of time, which isn’t cool.  I asked for the Turkey Club Panini without tomatoes and they couldn’t come through for me on that.
  2. I’m no interior designer, but the decor is tired.  I felt like I was at a hospital cafeteria.
  3. The menu is pretty limited.  The paninis were the most exciting thing on there and that’s not saying much.  Besides that, it was pretty much, Turkey Sandwich, Ham Sandwich and maybe a French Dip thrown in.  Boring.

I, of course went with the Turkey Sandwich and it was…ok.  Decent size, but nothing special.  They obliged by toasting the bread, which was cool and the Turkey was a decent quality – but it wasn’t much different than any sandwich I can make at home.
I guess it just goes to show you that people in “THE A-T-L” don’t really know jack shit about making a remarkable sandwich.

There Ain’t No Deli Like a Boar’s Head Deli, Cuz a Boar’s Head Deli…

…knows how to make a mean sandwich.

I love those neon Boar’s Head signs.  There is no better sight than a deli window showing that they proudly serve Boar’s Meats (and cheeses).

I simply can’t believe that I have been in Denver for almost two years and I had never been to Mendelson’s on 17th Street.  This place is THE SHIT.

First of all, they are a legitimate New York deli and pile a shitload of meat on their sandwiches.  Second, they have a toaster.  Nothing hacks me off more than when a place tells me that they don’t have a fucking toaster.  Mendelson’s does and all is well with the world.  Third, they have a great menu.  I was seriously put to task when I had to figure out which one of their appetizing sandwiches I had to order.

I ended up going with a sandwich called the “Jones Beach” which was Turkey, Ham and Swiss and Honey Mustard.  I chose Rye for my bread.  Damn, that was a good sandwich.

So, my new thing is New York Delis.  And the real ones.  Not that fake bullshit that Heidi’s throws out there.  I am on a mission to go to more New York Delis.

No Turkey? AYFKM?

This is not my personal story.  Thankfully I was not subjected to this kind of frustration and outrage.

Today, a couple co-workers of mine came back with a bag of sandwiches from Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli.  They said it was an incredibly frustrating lunch trip: parking was impossible to find, the line was incredibly long and then -THEY WERE OUT OF TURKEY!

Out of Turkey? What’s the deal?  How can you be OUT of Turkey.

I would have had shit-fit.  I would have absolutely been enraged if I would have waited in line for 30 minutes, only to find that a Brooklyn Deli was out of Turkey in the middle of Lunch.

And to think that I’ve been meaning to visit a Heidi’s lately.  Screw that.

Mendelson’s and Fat Jack’s are at the top of my hit list now.

Turkey Neck

Everyone knows that I have given Pat’s Philly Cheesesteaks here in Denver big time exposure here on the Turkey Sandwich Report. But today, I am questioning my allegiance.

I was in the middle of enjoying my Turkey Sandwich during lunch today and all of the sudden, I got something pretty crunchy. I thought it was skin, since Pat’s uses real Turkey. I pulled it out of my mouth and this is what I found:


Turkey neck?  Vertabrae? Cartillage?

But you know what?  I’m OK with this.  At least they use real Turkey and not the processed shit.  I guess this is proof.

(Fool’s) Paradise Bakery

Shame on me. I should have known better than to get a Turkey Sandwich from a bakery.

Red Flag #1: When I ordered the Turkey Cranberry, they already had one made. Unfortunately, I pussed out and didn’t ask for one to be made fresh and went with it.

Red Flag #2: The lady had trouble wrapping it because there was so much crap on the sandwich. That’s a sign of a poorly constructed sandwich.

The result: A sloppy ass sandwich that was too soggy to eat (see photo below). I HATE soggy sandwiches. It reminds me of those pre-made airport sandwiches.

pardise bakery

But, this is partly my fault. I should have had the balls to ask for a fresh sandwich. I’m better than that. If they didn’t oblige, I should have walked my ass out of there and gone to Pat’s. Mea culpa.

May I Recommend My Brother’s Bar?

I’ve only lived in Denver for a little over a year and I am most certainly still getting the lay of the land. Fortunately, I have friends who care enough to introduce me to places like “My Brother’s Bar” right off 15th Street and right by the Platte River and I-25 in Downtown Denver. (thank you Esther and Jeff)

Outside of My Brother's Bar (note no outside signage)

Right off the bat, let me say that My Brother’s Bar doesn’t fuck around. Their menu is on the chalkboard so don’t give them any excuses about “not having a menu” or “not knowing what to order.” When the waiter/waitress comes by, you better know what the fuck you’re going to order. At an absolute minimum, tell them what you want to drink and expect a dirty look if you order some pussy shit like an “Arnold Palmer”.

My friends highly recommended the “JCB” which is a burger topped with jalapenos and cream cheese.. In fact they swore by it. (FYI, you can also get the JCB “Ralphie-style” which means that it is a buffalo burger). But as all of you know, I like to watch my figure, so I went with a healthier choice, The Mortimer.

The Mortimer is a warm Turkey Sandwich topped with cheese and some kind of special sauce on a hoagie roll and it is off the hook chain. But what I really enjoy about My Brother’s Bar is that they bring out this huge condiment box with every order. The box includes mustard, ketchup, a whole sliced onion, pickle slices and relish. Listen to me and load up your Mortimer with onions and pickles and get to eatin’.


(full disclosure: this is actually a JCB with the condiment box)

Side note: This goes without being said, but I’ll put it out there anyway: anyone who puts ketchup on a Turkey Sandwich should be banished to a lifetime in Gary, IN or its surrounding municipalities.

A meal at My Brother’s Bar is not complete without a combo basket of their Onion Rings and Fries (as seen above). They are the shit. I’m pretty sure they’re fried in real oil, so they’re good for you.

That’s Right. I Said Arby’s, Mothafucka!

As Homer Simpson said, “I’m so hungry I could eat Arby’s.”  That’s where I was yesterday.  Starving.  Widdling away to nothing.  I needed a Turkey Sandwich and I needed it fast.  I needed someone to save me, and from out of nowhere, came Arby’s.

I pull up to the drive-thru and immediately noticed the “Turkey Reuben”.  It sure as shit looked good on the menu, so I went for it, sans Russian Dressing, of course.   Throw in a couple Potato Cakes and a Lemonade and I’m on my way.

I dug into this Turkey Reuben and was impressed.  The Turkey was actually pretty good and as you probably know from my Which Wich exploits, I like Sauerkraut.  Even the bread was impressive, it was some kind of Marble Rye.

My only improvement would be toasting the bread.  I like my bread toasted.

So there.  I like Arby’s.  Sue me.

All of the Greats Go Through It

All of the great ones hit a slump from time to time.  Tony Gwynn, Terry Forster, John Kruk, David Wells, all of them have times when they just are not on their game.

Yes, I am in a Turkey Sandwich slump.  Not that I am tired of Turkey Sandwiches, quite the contrary – I’ve already had one today and might have another later on.  But I haven’t picked out the right ingredients for my Turkey Sandwiches the last couple times out at Which Wich.

Of course we had the whole “Sauerkraut and Cheese Whiz Fiasco” a month or so ago and tragedy struck again this past weekend.  I tried to tone it down considerably and ordered what I thought to be a very conservative Turkey Sandwich.  I went with a nice sensible cheese choice in Provolone, added the normal Lettuce, Red Onions, Pickles, Deli Mustard and Peppers, Vinegar and Oil and Oregano.  But it just didn’t work.  I’m  starting to think I don’t like the combination of their pickles and mustard.

Next time out, I’m going with a balls to the walls, spiced up version – something like Hot Pepper Cheese with Buffalo Wing Sauce.  I need a sandwich with purpose.  Direction.  Focus.  Cahones.