What Ever Mojo Schlotzsky’s Had, They’ve Lost It

I remember when I was first introduced to Schlotzsky’s.  I wasn’t fanatical about their sandwiches, but I would always make a point to swing by if I was near their location on Manchester Road in St. Louis.  Then, when I moved to Austin, which is the HOME of Schlotzsky’s I got a little more excited about their stuff.  There seemed to be a certain energy in this particular Schlotzsky’s location (South First and Barton Springs area).  They had iMacs in there so you could jump on the internet.  That seemed cool to me.

These days, Schlotzsky’s is a morgue.  Seriously, I never see anyone in there.  It’s hard to believe, but when I go inside Schlotzsky’s. it’s right up there on the “Bore Quotient” with Boston Market.  No music and the employees are uber bored ’cause they ain’t got no sandwiches to make.

With great trepidation, I stopped by Schlotzsky’s today because they are right next door to the tennis shop where I get my racquets restrung.  I literally stood outside the door debating if I wanted to get back in my car and go out of my way down to Smilin’ Moose or just go to Schlotzsky’s.  Fuck it, I’ll give Schlotzsky’s the nod.

My problem with this place is that their menu is really tired.  They don’t ever experiment with new breads or  sauces.  Every time, I get the same boring-ass Smoked Turkey Sandwich.  Every fucking time.  This sandwich is so boring, I actually let them put some of their crappy mayo on there.  The only reason this sandwich looks tasty is because I took a totally fucking awesome picture.  But believe me, this is a boring sandwich.

Schlotzsky's Turkey Sandiwich

My advice to Schlotzsky’s:

  • Your pizzas suck.  Get out of the pizza business.
  • While you’re at it. revamp the whole fucking menu.  It needs it.
  • Toy around with some new breads, and sauces.  And I know it’s not your thing – but add cheese to some sandwiches.
  • Lay off the stupid olives.  You don’t need them on EVERY sandwich.

This advice is free.  But if you want to talk more, I’ll have to charge you.  I’m not sure how much, but it will cost you something.

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8 thoughts on “What Ever Mojo Schlotzsky’s Had, They’ve Lost It

  1. thank you Neal for looking at the PepperBee’s! commercial. I’m probably gonna fly to Denver. Driving is fucking dumb. Hopefully ‘ol Bill Shatner will help me find a good deal.

    Pleimann is a fuckwad.

  2. What’s up with their weird bread? I mean you want some thing nice when you bite into it… and no tomatoes because of the scare… everyone else has em back now. Gimme a break (in AZ)

  3. I read your silly little comment about schlotzsky’s while trying to do a project for school. Let me tell you: your statements are about as ignorant as they are stupid. Sounds like a typical bitch from a typical bitchy customer.
    If you don’t like eating the same smoked turkey breast sandwich, EAT SOMETHING ELSE. Christ. I don’t eat the smoked turkey the way it comes. It’s made that way because it’s on the ‘light’ menu and for people who count their calories and bullshit. Its the most plain sandwich we have. I’m sorry that’s the one you’ve chosen to eat, try experimenting for your damn self and order something new.
    My mom and dad bought a schlotzskys when I was 7 years old. It’s been 10 years now, their store didn’t make it, but I’m currently working at a different schlotzsky’s. Never have I gotten bored of their menu, because I always mix it up with different food. If you don’t like olives, ASK FOR THEM OFF. If you want cheese, ASK FOR IT. You make it seem like it’s schlotzsky’s fault for not satisfying your tastebuds. Sorry dumbass, nobody can read your mind. Sometimes you have to venture out on your own.
    As for their pizzas, they’ve got some of the best around. You’ll never find crust like the kind they have at schlotzsky’s. It’s unbelievably tasty. And you can pile pizzas high with toppings and drip some Louisiana Hot sauce on for the perfect flavors. There’s so many different sandwiches and pizzas you can make it’s ridiculous. To call them plain or boring is only a lack of your own creativity, and a huge sign of ignorance. People like you make the world a shitty place to live. GO make your own damn sandwich, bitch.

  4. Thank you for telling it like it is, Austin.
    I work for Schlotzsky’s too, and I hate it. Basically because I have to deal with customers like this guy.
    Fuck you, NealStewart you moron… I hope to see you sometime at my location… I have a new sandwich for you.

  5. Both of you fucking idiots can go fuck yourself. I think Schlotzky’s sucks.

    Have fun working trying to get laid you fucking losers.

  6. Schlotzkys in La Jolla, CA sucks big time. Nasty food, grumpy employees who don’t speak a lick of English and don’t have a clue how to properly fill orders even after repeatedly being told how and what I want? Oh and the company doesn’t even have the courtesy to acknowledge communication from dissatisfied customers? F’em! I hope they BK.

  7. Neal, you ignorant slut. Schlotzsky’s employees have their way with your mom on an hourly basis.

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