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I stopped by Boston Market on my way home from getting my haircut this afternoon. Yes, Boston Market is still in business.
I went a little outside of my comfort zone and ordered the Turkey Platter instead of a Turkey Sandwich. Huge mistake. Unless it’s Thanksgiving, eating Turkey and gravy sans bread is boring.
But don’t worry. I rallied at the last second and toasted a couple slices of bread, busted out the cheese and transformed that boring ass Turkey Platter into a respectable Turkey Sandwich.
The lessons of the day:
1. Bread matters.
2. So does cheese.
3. Respect sandwiches.
I got home from a long trip today. I could have grabbed a bite to eat at Denver International Airport, but I wanted to hold off for a good lunch. So where did I go?
Boston Market, of course!
“Boston Market is still in business?” you ask. Yes they are, actually. And yes, they seemingly close down locations on a daily basis, but yes, they are still have a few locations that remain open. Here in Denver, I think we’re down to one.
But let me tell you something, mister: I like Boston Market. The Turkey Sandwich with corn and mashed p’taters is a strong meal. I really don’t understand why Boston Market has so much trouble making a go of it. I’ve talked about how boring it is to eat at a Boston Market on this blog before, but their food is pretty damn good. If I didn’t love Turkey Sandwiches so much, I could easily make a meal out of their sides.
And don’t even get me started on the cornbread! Ok, I’ve had better cornbread, but don’t hate the player (Boston Market) hate the game (cornbread). Whatever the hell that means.
Anyway – get out there and support your local Boston Market. You never know when they’re going to board up the windows.
Dear Boston Market:
I like you. Your Turkey is actually decent and like the fact that you have a nice selection of sides. Your sandwiches are a little on the small side for me, but we can get past that. After all, it is how you use the Turkey Sandwich, not how big it is.
But here’s the problem: your restaurants are like fucking morgues. I seriously think that the reason you have to close down another store every other day is because you attract lonely people, who eat by themselves. They go there because it’s quiet and they die a slow roasted death while they read John Grisham books. The retirement home decor and lack of background music doesn’t help either.
I stopped by a couple days ago and 6 out of the 7 people eating in there were by themselves! 6 out of 7! During the “Lunch Rush.” Wouldn’t make sense to go after people who have friends and co-workers and like to eat with them?
Boston Market, help me help you. I want to help you succeed and we can do it together. I have two offers for you:
1. I will give you my highly sought-after Turkey Sandwich marketing advice for the cost of Turkey Sandwiches for a year.
2. You can sponsor The Turkey Sandwich Report. Just think of how far that would go in re-energizing your brand? It would be huge.
Or go it on your own. I could give a shit. We’ve seen how far that can get you and there’s always another Turkey Sandwich out there for me.