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Blame this one on the Paradise Bakery in the B Terminal at Denver International Airport:
Faux Thanksgiving leftover Turkey Sandwiches have JUMPED THE SHARK.
Sorry, Pat’s Philly Cheesesteaks.
Sorry, Marczyk’s Fine Foods.
Sorry, Which Wich.
All of you have really good Turkey/Cranberry/Thanksgiving-type sandwiches. But Paradise Bakery screwed the whole thing up with a total piece of crap sandwich that has cranberry sauce.
Therefore, I officially declare: these sandwiches have JUMPED THE SHARK and I am officially on a 60 day sabbatical from any Turkey Sandwich that has cranberry sauce on it.
Whole Foods lied to me today. They LIED to me I say!
I was super excited when I saw a sandwich called “The Glendale” listed on the menu at the Colorado Blvd location. The Glendale supposedly has peppered turkey, caramelized onions, honey mustard and mixed greens.
Bread Choice: Ciabatta
Cheese? Yes, Provolone.
Everything went went fine except for one very important thing. Their mustard was much more of a yellow mustard rather than a honey mustard. Unacceptible. Or as Mike Singeltary would say, “Can’t have it. Won’t have it.”
Yellow mustard ruins any Turkey Sandwich. It’s like putting ketchup on steak. It’s a faux pas.
And here is some proof of the yellowness of the mustard (click the video below).
It almost pains me to say this, but there is a certain Turkey Sandwich out there that I’m not a fan of. In fact, I despise this sandwich. I doesn’t even deserve the right to be called a Turkey Sandwich. I’ll give you a clue:
If you put Guac on your Turkey Sandwich, you’re a douche.
Yes, I am talking about the sandwich that is commonly referred to as “The California”.
Personally, I have never witnessed anyone order a TS with Guac on it. But I have noticed a distrubing trend that many restaurants are starting to offer it.
What gives the State of California the right to name a Turkey Sandwich after themselves? Or are the restaurants to blame? Are they “poaching” the name “California” in a feeble attempt to make their place “cool and trendy”? Are they trying to make their establishment “more Hollywood”?
All I know is that Guacamole or any derivative of Avocado does not belong on a Turkey Sandwich. So keep that shit off there. And if you see anyone order this, I demand that you to call them a “Douche”.