Earlier this week I was driving from Portland to Seattle and the traffic on I-5 near Olympia was a real bitch. Instead of sitting there in traffic and getting all pissed off, I decided to pull off the freeway and soothe myself with a Turkey Sandwich.
The first eating spot I came upon was Shari’s. It looked like actively Shari’s targets old fuckers, and being that I was sick of all the hipsters in Portland, it sounded like a good place to chill out. I order their best Turkey Sandwich and I was off and running.
But take a look at this Turkey Sandwich. See any problems?
You can’t fool me Shari. You can baffle me with a little extra gravy? You can impress me with your cranberry sauce. And you can’t perplex me with those little onion rings on top. Nope, I immediately noticed that your Turkey Sandwich is lacking TURKEY! Just look at this sandwich – you can see that they they go pretty light on the Turkey.
Don’t fuck with me Shari. I know Turkey Sandwiches and I know this one is lacking Turkey. WHERE’S THE TURKEY!?
You’re like that old woman in the 1980s Wendy’s commercial. Except you’re a hipster. Yeah, I said it.