My morning kind of sucked today. I’m in Frederick, MD this week and I don’t have a rental car because I’m being cheap and trying to hitch rides from co-workers. The only problem is that I didn’t have anyone to hitch a ride with this morning. Being that I don’t get much exercise, I got a crazy hair up my ass and decided that I was going to walk to work. I was slightly winded when I got out of the Holiday Inn parking lot and decided that walking was probably a bad idea and needed to call a cab.
But then my day started to look up:
- There’s a Sheetz gas station just outside of the Holiday Inn parking lot and I needed to fill my belly for breakfast.
- Sheetz offers Turkey Sandwiches in the morning.
- They have an awesome way of ordering sandwiches. It’s like the computer/kiosk check-in at the airport. I like it because I don’t have to talk to anyone.
- This is the kicker: they offer a PRETZEL as a bread option. YES, A PRETZEL!
I ordered myself a BBQ PepperJack Turkey Sandwich and was off for the day. Then, a big decision: do I wait for the cab to come get me and eat my sandwich when I get to work or do I eat it now? You tell me what you think I did.
Of course I ate it in the parking lot. There was a red trashcan sitting right there begging to be used as a table. It took me about 43 seconds to drink my chocolate milk and eat my Turkey Sandwich. Some kind of cheap bottled water to wash it down.
MMM! That’s good eatin!
I’m a big fan of pretzel bread, big fan. When you’re in the Lou, make sure you stop by Gus’ Pretzels and get a brat/pretzel or hotdog/pretzel with them baked right in. Deeeeeliciosa!
what the fuck kind of chocolate milk is that?
I refuse to drink anything but Pevely Dairy or Prairie Farms milk products because “Harry” Mark Reynolds used to work for one of those two cocksuckers. I can’t remember which one it was.
Frederick, MD is the worst town in America. I got a DUI there off a scam they run. All their bars appear to be on the same little strip in the middle of town. All the bars let out at 1am. There is then a long line of cars making their way out of the little shitty town and cops sit there and pull people over…at random obviously…because everyone is only going about 3 mph. Not like a check point…they have to announce those…but more just like they “saw you driving erratically” or something. Like you can drive erratically at 3mph. I saw the cop car before we even got near it and what do you know, he pulls me over. Long story short, he was right…I mean I blew a .23…but I was driving perfectly, and to be honest…until the checking my eyes to see if they were bouncing (you can’t pass that test…Steve Cerriatti taught us that back in high school), I was acing the field sobriety test. I did get a little revenge though at the station. You see I have about the world’s worst smelling ass and when you combine that with about 12 Honey Browns and 4 giant patrone shots (all done in a row 5 minutes before closing because my future wife and her sisters wouldn’t take theirs)…it creates the most horrendous odor you can fathom. They also come at an alarming frequency. So after trying to hold ‘em in for a while – I thought..fuck it..they shouldn’t have pulled me over. So…after a few good ones…I’m killing these guys! I mean it’s a Wednesday, I’m the only one in this small station and these guys are dying. They’re yelling “Gilson, did you shit your pants again!”…and I’m like “Hey, we can all be happy if you just let me out of here and forget this ever happened!”…but to no avail. They sent me to a scarier looking jail instead and put me in a glass room that appeared to be smell-proof for the lady outside, despite my efforts…I think it actually knocked me out, because when I woke up it was morning and there were 2 dudes sleeping sitting up on this tiny bench next to my bed. They must have thought I was a bad ass or something not to tell me to get out of their way. So the next day I get out and I learn the rest of the scam. Right down the street from the bars, just past the cop pull over spot, there are about 5 little law pratices and you have to go to them and pay them a bunch of money to minimize the damage. It’s like a little circle of screw-you-over bullshit. I know, you shouldn’t drink and drive and I actually wouldn’t have, but I was the only one with a car and it was a rental and we were 10 minutes away so I thought I’d be fine. I also figured I had about 20 minutes until all that Patrone kicked in…which I think was true…because I was pretty damn straight, driving-wise, etc. Anyway, fuck Frederick, MD. If you ever go back there, stick the knife you use to cut your turkey sandwiches in the tire of one of their police cruisers!
Dude, that doesn’t look like a pretzel. It looks like it belongs in the grass at the park.